Finally, a brilliant email!

There is a lot of rubbish floating around in cyberspace.
Much of it, it would seem, ends up in my inbox. It seems email marketers know nothing about their their prospective clients.
Let me give you an example.
Mrs White Ou promises, with her hand on her heart, that that she no longer sends my name to Internet mailing lists and I think I believe her. Yet despite this assurance, I continue to get at least 10 offers per day for products that promise to make my penis even larger – and that does not include the pile of emails for pharmaceuticals that are a hard sell.
Where on earth do they get the idea I need their products? I’m not old or dead – I just like to lie down a lot.
But every now and again there is something useful.

My luck has turned

My luck has turned! I am delighted to tell you, this week I won the UK Lottery (£80 million), was drawn as the lucky winner of a Coca Cola-sponsored competition with a $120 000 prize...but that’s not all...if I reply within the next 30 minutes ...
...my cellphone number was chosen in a sweepstakes draw run by an American mobile telephone operator and I am $325 000 richer.
I am so excited I can barely breathe and I’ve spent most of the morning checking out the prices of Ferraris and now have my eye on a wine farm near Cape Town.
I’ve been forced to change the plans I had for the weekend. I’m going to be spending much of it sending my personal and banking details -- including my secret PIN -- to the competition organisers so they can pay the winnings into my account!
In addition, I also need time to tie up some few loose ends with a Nigerian prince I’ve been corresponding with.
He wrote to me (yes ‘Dear Gmail adres holder’ is me) to tell me the tragic story of how his entire family was murdered by government agents. As the only survivor he is sole heir to his father’s fortune of around $9 million. The problem is, it is sitting in a secret Swiss bank account and, as he he does not have a bank account, he needs someone outside the country, (with a bank account) to help.
That is where I come in. The cash in Switzerland will be transferred to my bank account. There are a couple of details I finalise this weekend but, in a nutshell, he needs me to front him some cash so his uncle (or maybe it isn’t his uncle if the whole family was slaughtered...I’ll have to ask him about that) can slip out of the country and organise the funds-transfer to my account. His uncle apparently needs the cash for airfares and hotel accommodation in Geneva and also some to grease the palms of some bank officials. The prince assures me this is the standard operating procedure and I have nothing to worry about as he’s done it before.
I get keep 40% or around $4 million to compensate me for my troubles and efforts. So this weekend I need to get the details about where I must send the cash so the wheels can start rolling. It’s a great investment and I’m glad, out of the other 6,5 billion people on the planet the prince chose me!

Share with you

But I want to share my good fortune with you. I am happy to let you participate in the Royal Nigerian deal. If you’re interested, drop me a line and I’ll send you my bank details and PIN so you can make a cash deposit and get a piece of the action.
Every now and then something amazing does land in your inbox. This is an example.
I do not know who Jonathon Reed, the author is, but it is a brilliant piece of writing and craftsmanship.

Read this from top to bottom and it is depressing. Then read it from bottom to top and its meaning inverts.
Please excuse me while you do that. I’ve got something I must do before Mrs White Ou gets home. There is a particular ointment and a box of blue tablets I must order from a pharmacy in Mexico!

Lost Generation by Jonathan Reed

I am part of a lost generation
and I refuse to believe that
I can change the world
I realize this may be a shock but
“Happiness comes from within.”
is a lie, and
“Money will make me happy.”
So in 30 years I will tell my children
they are not the most important thing in my life
My employer will know that
I have my priorities straight because
work
is more important than
family
I tell you this
Once upon a time
Families stayed together
but this will not be true in my era
This is a quick fix society
Experts tell me
30 years from now, I will be celebrating the 10th anniversary of my divorce
I do not concede that
I will live in a country of my own making
In the future
Environmental destruction will be the norm
No longer can it be said that
My peers and I care about this earth
It will be evident that
My generation is apathetic and lethargic
It is foolish to presume that
There is hope.

Now read it from the bottom to the top